Individual Relationship Therapy in Houston: When Working on Yourself Helps the Couple
Whether you’ve brought up couples therapy and your partner has refused to try, or you’re not even sure how to start the conversation without starting a fight, it’s understandable if you feel stuck. You know your relationship needs work, and you know that both partners have to be invested in change to make it happen. You may also feel like you’ve been doing more than your fair share of relationship repair work without seeing the results you need to feel secure and satisfied with your relationship.
So what can you do? Can individual relationship therapy in Houston help you to improve your relationship, even if your partner refuses to go to couples therapy? The answer is a simple one: yes!
For individual or couples therapy support, please explore our available counseling services. We can schedule a free consultation for you with a team member who specializes in the support you need.
Therapy for your relationship concerns can provide clarity
Individual relationship therapy is a viable option for people who want to shift relationship dynamics, but their partner refuses to go to couples therapy. It’s a space to focus on yourself and how you operate in relationships, which can give you much-needed clarity. With new understandings that you can carry back to your relationship, you can start to make meaningful changes in how you connect to your partner.
What do you want out of a relationship? What can you make out of this relationship?
Many of us don’t have a firm grasp on what we need or want in relationships. You’ve likely sensed that the connection isn’t where either of you needs it to be, but may not understand why, or what to do. You may not have had healthy relationships modeled for you growing up, and while you may know what you don’t want, you’re not sure what you do want.
Individual relationship therapy in Houston can help you develop a better understanding of who you are, what your values are, and what you want out of a relationship. Through encouraging introspection and offering thoughtful, open-ended questions, your relationship therapist can help you figure out what your needs and wants are, so you can be better equipped to express them.
Your therapist can also support you as you take an open, honest, and non-judgmental look at the possibilities in your current relationship. Do you see room for repair and change? Do you see yourself investing in this relationship for years to come? Are there mismatches you can work around or compromise over, or are there differences that are too big to meet in the middle?
These questions can feel personal and challenging, and it may not feel safe to ask them with your partner yet. But in individual relationship counseling, you’re in a safe space where there’s no right answer, just what’s right for you. You can learn about yourself and take that knowledge back with you to your relationship to guide your choices.
What challenges do you face personally in relationships?
We all have strengths and weaknesses in relationships, and the challenges you face may be different from your partner’s struggles. It may be hard to see clearly what your personal challenges are while you’re in a high-conflict relationship. In a struggling relationship, blame is much more common than calm assessment and accountability. Blame makes people defensive, making it hard to work together to change.
You can use the calmer space of individual therapy with a relationship therapist at Heights Couples Therapy to de-escalate the conversation around your own challenges. You can look at your past experiences and how they’re affecting you today, and process them with the support of your therapist. You can figure out what your personal challenges are and how you want to handle them differently in the future. You and your therapist can create a plan and use therapy as a place to discuss progress, celebrate successes, and strategize around what isn’t working for you.
Some examples of personal challenges you might experience in a relationship include:
Shutting down or having explosive responses during conflict
Not voicing your needs, or over-agreeing when you want to say no
Assuming your partner will know what you want them to do
Struggling to compromise
Dishonesty
How you handle stress
Unhealthy or unhelpful communication patterns
Insecure attachment issues
What skills do you want to develop?
When you think of relationships, “skills” might not be the first thing that comes to mind, but relating to people, and the skills you use to do that, are things we learn, not things we inherently know. Individual relationship therapy is a great place to develop these skills in your own life.
Communication skills, like validation, active listening, vulnerability and honesty, using “I” statements, how to foster intimacy, how to voice your needs, and how to navigate conflict without assigning blame, are all useful in relationships, even if your partner isn’t willing to go to therapy to learn them. You can bring these skills back to your relationship and use them yourself; either your partner will learn from your example, or if they refuse to participate in healthy change, you will at least know you’ve done the work to communicate well.
What are your next steps?
When you develop the skills, you look for the insights, and you create a plan with your therapist on what you’re going to work on, you may be left wondering, Will this fix everything?
Individual therapy for relationships is a space to work on yourself, and to create a better approach to relationships for you. While we have seen improvement in relationship satisfaction in many client’s lives after individual therapy, the only people who decide what happens in your relationship are you and your partner. Your partner may work with you, embracing the new skills and attitudes you bring back to the relationship, or they may not.
Individual relationship therapy will help you decide what you want next, as you see the changes you create for yourself start to be reflected in your relationship. Do you want to continue putting effort in? Is it time to let the relationship go? This is again a space where there’s no one right answer, but it is a place for you to safely find the answer that’s right for you, with support from a therapist at Heights Couples Therapy.
Why do some people refuse to go to couples therapy?
While your partner may recognize the need for change in your relationship, they may carry strong stigma against mental healthcare. Many people incorrectly assume that therapy is just for “crazy people”, and that going to therapy means there’s something broken, sick, or wrong with them. A lot of people also assume therapy is just talking, and they have decided talking isn’t helping. They may have been taught to be secretive about relationships, preferring to keep things between the two of you, and they don’t feel comfortable sharing personal details in therapy.
Some people assume that a couples therapist will just blame them for all the issues in the relationship, and that if you need couples therapy, you might as well just end the relationship. And unfortunately, sometimes, people just don’t want to do the work to change. They’re more invested in keeping things the same, rather than being open and honest about what’s not working, and they would rather do nothing, or look for things and people to blame, rather than take accountability.
Individual relationship therapy at Heights Couples Therapy in Houston can support you even if your partner refuses therapy
Working on your own with a relationship therapist at Heights Couples Therapy can help you examine your relationship patterns and make it easier to change how you approach your relationship from now on. Whether your partner is willing to participate or not, you can invest time in learning skills and developing insights that expand your ability to build and enjoy fruitful, fulfilling relationships.
Having a welcoming space to dig deep into tough questions can give you useful clarity you can then carry back to your relationship to use to create meaningful change. To get started on individual relationship therapy in Houston, book a free consultation with us today.